Did you know that as humans we give and receive love in different ways?
When I first discovered this concept it was like epiphanies galore going off inside my brain...
I was going through one of the darkest periods in my life at the time, a relationship had ended that blasted apart my whole sense of identity and sent me spiraling into a dark night of the soul.
You know those moments don't you?
I know them well!
It's like that moment when Alice falls down the rabbit hole, and keeps falling, and falling, and falling, and wonders if she might fall through the center of the earth and come out the other side where people walk upside down.
And then she drinks the out of the bottle which makes her so small, but she's forgotten the key, so she eats the sweet which makes her way too big and she doesn't know what to do so she cries and cries and cries and cries and cries.
It was one of those stretches anyway (thankfully I don't really get them anymore - hooray!).
So I did what I do best - I studied!
I read and listened to reams and reams of relationship books, trying to heal my family wounds and make myself a better communicator.
I came across this one book by Gary Chapman which has always stayed with me called 'The 5 Love Languages', and as I move deep into my Tantric sex, love & relationship expert level training I think about it often.
So today, I want to share them with you, in the hope that you glean a little joy discovering your secret love language, and have fun guessing those of family and friends. And also, that it might go a little way in bringing more harmonious relationships into your life, and to the wider world, and make it a better place for all involved!
So without further ado, let me introduce: 'The 5 Love Languages'...
I'm putting this first because it is my favourite number one love language! Realising that this is my love language opened doors to ecstatic love for me! There was always this feeling that I was too 'materialistic', but guess what? I just fucking LOVE gifts! Wanna get me on your side forever and always?! Send me LOTSOFLOVELYPRESENTS! There's nothing quite like the feeling of being given a physical token and reminder of your love for me!
#2) ACTS OF SERVICE
If 'acts of service' is your love language, you like doing shit for people, and you love it when people do shit for you. This is absolutely my Dads number 1 love language - all my life I got annoyed at him for 1) giving me money and not GIFTS at present giving times, and 2) asking me to do shit for him when I didn't really want to - like making him a coffee or finding him the best phone deal! Oh, not now! How I revel in ordering him something off Amazon when he asks me to or taking Bob to fix his electrics. I love that he gives me money and not gifts because I know that is how he loves to love, and when I do those things he asks of him, he is really asking to be loved.
#3) PHYSICAL TOUCH
I have a friend, who is probably reading this, so she will remain anonymous, but the first time we ever went on a night out together over 10 years ago now, we were in the middle of the crowd and I grabbed her hand (and probably her arse too) - it's what I did! After a few times of doing it, she politely told me that she didn't like me doing it, so would I stop. I didn't understand at the time that physical touch is one of my major love languages, and maybe not for her. If you're a touchy-feely type - this could be you!
#4) QUALITY TIME
Sometimes nothing can fill you up quite like an afternoon spent at a gallery with a friend, or enjoying lunch together, or lipstick shopping... You, me, us, life. Those moments you feel bonded and alive, unwasted, present, free to be who you are, feeling the connection of your soul to another beyond the realms of time and space. They can be simple moments like watching Sherlock on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon or that time you went on an epic adventure and climbed the tallest trees. If you feel loved up when just hanging with your loved ones, quality time might be your number one.
#5) WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
This is my partners love language - he loves it when I thank him for all the wonderful things he does for me, or when I tell him how well he's doing. He loves people who have nice soft gentle voices and a calming energy. It's one of my lowest scoring love languages so it doesn't come so naturally to me. It can also be super painful for him to hear negative things (whereas being hug starved is much worse for me)! Knowing this about him goes a long way in making sure I communicate verbally in a way that he feels loved in our relationship, which goes a long way in maintaining harmonious relating and happiness!
So gorgeous, what do you think about good old Gary and his love languages? I think they're rather spiffing myself!
You know, we've probably got a combination of all of them inside of us, and different ones might come out in different relationships and with different people, but I think they're a great tool for helping to navigate that place that is often the biggest source of both love and frustration in our lives - our relationships!
If you enjoyed this post and want to take a test to discover your love languages you can do that here - yes they've got their own website! (Click 'learn your love language' at the top of the page - it's free to do!)
Then hit reply to this email and let me know what your love languages are and what epiphanies this brings you about your relationships! I'd love to hear all!
Sending you lots of love in whatever way you like to receive it best!
Keeley xxxxx 💋 💜 🌺 🐷 🌞
P.S. I've got a brand new offering brewing in the cauldron which will help you cultivate and maintain beautiful, deep and harmonious relationships with yourself, your lover(s) or your spouse - so keep a watch out for that magic coming your way soon! 💫