I spent this morning crying.
I had been in the room with my osteopath for 45 minutes, laid on the couch with her magic hands holding my sacrum and lower cranium. Not at once of course, she wasn’t stretch armstrong.
I was much more talkative than normal, I usually like to go in and just receive her transmission, but today I needed to process in words as well.
I was there because of a pesky recurring wrist injury that wouldn’t go away and had no seemingly physical explanation for being there.
All I wanted was to be able to do a downward dog without having to wear a wrist support for the next 6 days and it was this outcome that I was paying her for.
Just as I was about to leave, I said 'there is one other thing I should probably tell you, you might think it sounds strange, but the other morning I woke up and this voice spoke to me, from inside, a disembodied voice it was, it said “your wrist is about your Grandma”'.
And then the tears came and I couldn’t stop them.
She said, ‘I think you are onto something very important', and passed me a tissue.
Thankfully I had a coaching session booked in an hour later (with me as the client) and I sobbed through the pain I felt about my relationship with my Grandma. I have been dreaming about her a lot lately. I guess I knew it was coming.
My Grandad (her husband) passed away last christmas and it has showed me how much he held the women in my matriarchal line together. With his passing, I have been reminded of how painful the grief of the ‘mother wound’ can be.
Every now and again I would get a random phone call from him, he would ask me when I was coming up to visit (a 7 hour drive away), and ultimately we would plan to go.
I would also see my Mum and Grandma, my Grandma would always welcome us with suspicion that I was ‘only visiting to get money’ (yes she said that a lot) and I would feel the pain & wounding of that dynamic again.
Then she would ease into our presence & seem genuinely happy to find out about our lives and dreams. My Grandad would disappear to the bar (they owned a hotel) and his work was done.
She had been my absolute favourite person in the world when I was a little girl, but that changed as I got older. She caught me smoking in the cleaning cupboard once when I was about 13 and our relationship soured from there.
A client of mine asked about the mother wound recently, 'what is that & how can I heal it?’, she said, 'it seems to be a bit of a buzz word at the moment' and I would agree in totality.
I don’t know if one ever heals the mother wound completely, or if the phrase even has a actual definition. I do know that new layers expose themselves once you are ready to enter a new level of healing and/or awareness.
For me the mother wound is about healing my relationship to the feminine, culturally, internally, collectively, physically, psychically, and in my family lineage. It doesn’t need all parties to engage or even consent - it is more about energetic releasing, becoming free from the unseen family dynamics that get passed down from generation to generation, keeping us stuck repeating old patterns of behaviour & relating we are neither aware of nor understand.
Today something big shifted for me. A new level of freedom, a new level of acceptance & a new level of personal leadership to be expressed in how I choose to live my life & show up in relationships.
Usually my wrist is painful immediately after I leave the osteopaths due to her manipulations, but today it is not, and I can feel much aching & heaviness in my pelvis. It feels like tectonic plates shifting. And it feels good.
As my Yoni armour rearranges itself & releases years of whatever was stored there, I am hopeful for what Monday nights yoga class has in store. Downward dogs a plenty me hopes.
With tectonic plate movements comes a volcano or earthquake: as the plates grind up against each other, the earth is shaken & forced to pay attention, and as space is created between the plates, hot magma erupts flowing from beneath the ocean crust creating new grounds & life.
I can feel the birth of new life arising with me.
Blood red - of woman and womb.